If we find ourselves in an unpleasant situation, there are exactly three ways to deal with it. First. (Learn to)Love it. Acceptance does the trick at this point: recognizing the positive sides and acknowledging that this is your life. The second way is perhaps a bit more difficult, but also more effective: If you cannot accept a situation, i.e. love it, you should try to change it. Or, and this is the hardest option: to leave it. Pack the proverbial or actual bags and leave. Change jobs. Start over.
Sometimes, of course, life is so damned hard that seemingly none of the three paths are viable. The problem is that if you don’t choose one of the solutions, sooner or later you automatically end up as the victim. So how do I deal with such a situation? And how do I free myself from the rigidity of being the victim?
The first step is awareness. In order to solve a problem, we first need the awareness that it exists. If you realize that you are caught in a spiral of victimhood, you will probably be frightened at first. Disbelief, defensiveness, and shock may be the result. Understandably, it is difficult to acknowledge that one has long since left the stage of justified hurt – and crossed the line into victimhood. And it is precisely here that it is important to gain an awareness of one’s own position: How did I get into this position without realizing it? How long have I been stuck in it? How does this manifest itself in my behavior? And what do I possibly gain from it?
It is often difficult to answer these questions for themselves. After all, victimization is a gradual process that usually goes unnoticed and cannot be clearly defined. Friends, family or a professional third party can provide advice and help. Close friends in particular will have noticed a change in our behavior, may even be able to describe specific incidents and place the situation in time. It is important for those affected and their environment to recognize that no one consciously chooses to live as a victim, so no one should be blamed for it. Those who are stuck here do so for human reasons such as fear, habit or simple ignorance. Being able to name these reasons can be a big step towards freedom.
In order to solve a problem, we first need the awareness that it exists
Second, forgiveness. To others – and to oneself. Anyone can get into the difficult situation of not knowing what to do and getting lost in the spiral of victimization. The important thing is to put the past behind you and take responsibility for your own future. Accepting help is very important, but: only we ourselves can help ourselves back on our feet.
The third step is to create awareness. How do I keep falling into the victim role? What people, situations and thoughts trigger this pattern? Above all, the recurring headache triggers the feeling of being a victim of external circumstances. If you pay attention to negative thought spirals, recognize and fix them, you will be able to interrupt their pattern more easily and learn to stand above things.
Whatever we decide to do - it is important that we do it with the knowledge that we are taking responsibility for our situation.
Step four. Change. No matter how different the paths to victimhood may be, we all have the same options for dealing with our situation. Either, we leave it unchanged and continue to suffer from it. Or, we consciously accept it, change it if necessary, or even leave it once and for all. Whatever we decide to do – it is important that we do it with the knowledge that we are taking responsibility for our situation. Because after that, no one else is to blame and we are no longer victims of external circumstances. It is and remains our choice: Love it, change it – or leave it.